Balance

I've been feeling insignificant, until I realized how much potential we each have as individuals. Browsing the internet, I've come across several blogs that seemed pretty influential and well thought out. I would like to encourage everyone to start their own blogs. Perhaps you could discover a hidden reservoir of talent. :)

As gen chem (general chemistry, the most basic chemistry course at any four-year bachelor degree granting institution in the United States) draws to a close, I've been reevaluating my year; to be specific, my last two semesters. At first I was an overconfident, but unhappy college freshman. College was not at all similar to my expectations. It was so very different from the environment I expected to be studying in. I was scared about making friends. Previously I had attended a school that was 7-12. I didn't have to make friends for the last six years. In fact I feel the most comfortable around my high school friends.

Without worrying whether they will judge me, I can act as I please. There is no need to "tread carefully" as one a many warning signs that lay across dangerous crossings, or thin ice. My first couple of months at college felt like a huge "tread carefully" sign. I felt huge pressure to not only perform academically, but socially as well. Since I was the one who had refused the choice that fit my idea of an ideal college life at the time, I felt I needed to transcend even my own standards.

College it turns out wasn't a piece of cake. Low and behold at the end of the first term I ran into my first two B+'s. Hmm... time to reevaluate myself. I did something called a mid-semester dash. Still I wasn't satisfied with just school. Ideally I wished to turn around college into something more than just school. I felt my schedule slip through my hand like grains of sand.

Determined to take control of my courses and not allow them to take control of me, I set out for second semester with a plan. However, there was just one persistent problem: laziness. For me, laziness is a vicious cycle. No matter how many great plans I formulate, if I don't follow through with any of them then none of them yield any appreciably significant results. My plans lead to nothing, a bridge to nowhere.

Through various media outlets we are constantly barraged by stories of success and human triumph over trial and stipulation. Every time I see one of those articles I think, gee what have I been doing with myself. At that age (insert name of successful person here) was doing such and such achievement for their future. A feeling of inferiority seems into me. Feeling small, I want to crawl into the smallest whole. I feel so unworthy.

I guess that's why I was so determined to succeed. Because although those successful people may have been blessed with a certain talent, he or she is also human and I too can "be the change that [I] want to see in this world." Countless times I find myself babbling or thinking the phrase. I'll start (insert mundane task here that is incredibly painful) as soon as I finish (doing whatever compulsive whim my obsessive compulsive personality has at the moment). Sometimes it's an entire day that runs by and mind you picking up the pieces is incredibly painful.

So I've decided to start a new balance of things. I'll use my google calendar as the go to, empty my inbox, exercise daily (contingent on after the chemistry final), QT, and blog on a daily basis.

The blog will be an intellectual outlet for me. It may be just me, but I find myself becoming stupider and stupider with each passing day.

On that note, I have a book to recommend for all men, women, and children of all ages.
It is titled, "A Briefer History of Time" by Stephen Hawkings.

note to self: Please learn proper MLA format soon.
Yours truly,
self

goodbye~
P.S. I wonder what kind of creation I'll have by the time I graduate. By then I probably won't even have time to blog anymore. :(